Off the Pan, Into the Fire

My journey through the realm of raising our sons...

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

double nickel

Yesterday was happy birthday to me, 55. I don't remember the details, but the 25 to 30 year old me thought that the future 50+ year old me would be different than how I turned out. The earlier me was ignorant of life, not serious about the future, and a bit carefree. Some of that has stuck with me over the years, tempered a bit by time. I don't claim to have the wisdom of life, I do appreciate it a bit more. Maybe that comes from having children, maybe from loss, maybe that comes from more memories. I watch the ways of my children and remember a bit of me from that age. Such innocence, such unabashed joy not yet tarnished with the realizations of failure, success, time and death. Of such things we gain wisdom, experience.

Now the 55 year old me wonders about the future me. What will I believe, how will I feel in 30+ years? How will that 85 year old me view this 55 year old me? I changed somewhere between 30 and 55, I am bound to change again by 85. Some basic tenets of me have remained over the years, they too, should be here in the future. That future me should be sprinkled with the joys of grandchildren, hell, in that amount of time maybe even a great-grand baby. It will also be bounded by more loss, one cannot grow old without losing the past; friends, enemies, abilities.

First of all, I hope to be an active, engaged 85 year old, let's begin with that. As for the rest, one day at a time...

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