double nickel

Yesterday was happy birthday to me, 55. I don't remember the details, but the 25 to 30 year old me thought that the future 50+ year old me would be different than how I turned out. The earlier me was ignorant of life, not serious about the future, and a bit carefree. Some of that has stuck with me over the years, tempered a bit by time. I don't claim to have the wisdom of life, I do appreciate it a bit more. Maybe that comes from having children, maybe from loss, maybe that comes from more memories. I watch the ways of my children and remember a bit of me from that age. Such innocence, such unabashed joy not yet tarnished with the realizations of failure, success, time and death. Of such things we gain wisdom, experience.

Now the 55 year old me wonders about the future me. What will I believe, how will I feel in 30+ years? How will that 85 year old me view this 55 year old me? I changed somewhere between 30 and 55, I am bound to change again by 85. Some basic tenets of me have remained over the years, they too, should be here in the future. That future me should be sprinkled with the joys of grandchildren, hell, in that amount of time maybe even a great-grand baby. It will also be bounded by more loss, one cannot grow old without losing the past; friends, enemies, abilities.

First of all, I hope to be an active, engaged 85 year old, let's begin with that. As for the rest, one day at a time...

back home again...

My kids travel well. We spent spring break visiting my parents. Getting there was a 10 1/2 hour drive and another 10 1/2 hours back. And I don't believe in backseat DVD players. The kids have been trained to travel using their own imagination and planning to get through the boring stretches. They brought some reading material, and MP3 players. There was also satellite radio's comedy channel! Yes, there were individual moments of stupidity, but no kid-to-kid arguing, fighting, or loudness. I was proud.

Living away from family is unfortunate, life without frequent interaction between the cousins, aunts, uncles, and grand's leaves a hole. This trip had a few initial cautious moments as they remembered each other, and then the mayhem started.

I think my sis's son, Drake, now hates me, I was the voice of no against video games. I'm a firm believer in play being face to face with eyes, ears, and hands, video games just get in the way of play. However, because of my "no," they had a couple of rousing rounds of tag, made some creative K'next structures, and told some awful jokes and stories. All in all, they had some well-needed bonding time.

Me? I got to drink some beer with Dad, and wine with Mom. When I got home I learned they had given up drinking at home for Lent. So, no sitting on the back porch, drinking wine, sharing stories. Instead we went to a local establishment for adult beverages. Not as much alcohol, but it was a satisfiying opportunity to check in, share updates, bitch and moan about whatever, and just plain enjoy each other's company. And I realized, yet again, that as I grow older, I appreciate them that much more

If there was one thing I could find to complain about, it was that I only had one breaded pork tenderloin. Last summer's trip I got three different, wonderful sandwiches of goodness! Indiana seems to have them on every street corner, yet in Minnesota, which is the nation's number three pork producer, it is damned near impossible to find a good BPT. I wonder if Minnesota eaters would support me opening a restaurant devoted to breaded pork tenderloins. Must be those Scandinavian roots, they can keep their lutefisk...